i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
