My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
