My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
