What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Randomize
