I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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