Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
