Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I checked into jail on foursquare
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
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