Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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