He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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