Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
