took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
