how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.