we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza