So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me