Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
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trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.