All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
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at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.