So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Randomize
