Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
