We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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