I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
