Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
