So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
