Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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