I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
