So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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