What a fucking waste of an outfit
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
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What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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