My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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