True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
