you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
# Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead