you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment