They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.