Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
