You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
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HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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