When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
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It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
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I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My ass is underappreciated
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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