Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
