I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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