the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
