I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
