in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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