Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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