I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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