if you like me you must not know who I am
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
