Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Randomize
