So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
