somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
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Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
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He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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