well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
