if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize
