I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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