So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Randomize
