are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize