Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(209): View more from California

His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.

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(209): His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants. http://tfl.nu/6g5r

Replies (15) Good night (1245) Bad night (6665)
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(816): View more from Missouri

Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.

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(816): Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me. http://tfl.nu/4boe

Replies (15) Good night (4497) Bad night (1175)
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(913): View more from Kansas

Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

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(913): Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry. http://tfl.nu/f12g

Replies (1) Good night (2240) Bad night (760)
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(312): View more from Illinois

Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.

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(312): Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees. http://tfl.nu/fk9m

Replies (5) Good night (2565) Bad night (801)
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(413): View more from Massachusetts

2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.

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(413): 2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick. http://tfl.nu/06th

Replies (4) Good night (746) Bad night (1410)
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(406): View more from Montana

He makes me want to shower. It must be love.

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(406): He makes me want to shower. It must be love. http://tfl.nu/y7mq

Replies (4) Good night (885) Bad night (1098)
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(754): View more from Florida

Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless

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(754): Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless http://tfl.nu/pgaf

Replies (13) Good night (1417) Bad night (864)
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(438): View more from Quebec

Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.

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(438): Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up. http://tfl.nu/g79y

Replies (4) Good night (1512) Bad night (831)
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(713): View more from Texas

Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.

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(713): Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes. http://tfl.nu/esis

Replies (1) Good night (1066) Bad night (544)
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(607): View more from New York

The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"

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(607): The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??" http://tfl.nu/clw8

Replies (4) Good night (1593) Bad night (532)
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(218): View more from Minnesota

Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?

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(218): Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time? http://tfl.nu/ojrn

Replies (0) Good night (554) Bad night (346)
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(513): View more from Ohio

Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.

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(513): Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth. http://tfl.nu/s6hy

Replies (5) Good night (1951) Bad night (517)
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(509): View more from Washington

I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?

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(509): I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right? http://tfl.nu/yvyh

Replies (2) Good night (631) Bad night (790)
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(503): View more from Oregon

My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.

(503): View more from Oregon

I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.

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(503): My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon. (503): I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me. http://tfl.nu/sdzr

Replies (6) Good night (1003) Bad night (468)
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(516): View more from New York

dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me

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(516): dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me http://tfl.nu/r9vy

Replies (4) Good night (632) Bad night (277)

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