she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome