Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
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well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
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Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷