There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question