just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
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You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
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Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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