He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize