I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
