You work out of a Hotel?
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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