i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
