Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
