I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
