I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
