i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
