I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
