6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
