Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
