I think scott just propositioned me for sex
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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