Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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