I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
