the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning