i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable