We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.