I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!