3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
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She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am