yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
